Inky Soul

About 2 weeks ago Greg informed me that he had turned in the required paperwork to my lawyer. This meant the papers could be signed and the divorce finalized.

Time had passed and we realized the lawyer had yet to call about the filing fee. I called the office and inquired about the status of our case. Today I recieved a call stating that they just needed a copy of our tax documents from last year and the papers would be filed completely and in 2 weeks I could expect it to be final.

Final.

Finally.

I will be the first to admit, we had our good times. Unfortunately they were too brief and spaced too far to save our marriage from drowning in pain.

I am positive that I had many failings in our marriage. I can be selfish. I'm very independent. I lack patience for overly needy men. I lack affection if a man constantly hangs on me or forces me to be the strength more than 50% of the time. I have weak days too, you know. I'm terrible with money. I have lazy days and when I'm sad, they come more often than not. I show my love by doing things or giving things. When I'm tired, it means I want to sleep. If you wake me up in the middle of the night, it had better be important or I'll be cranky and I might be cranky no matter what. I am quite low maintenance but cannot stand guys who are higher maintenance than me. I am extremely logical and was even accused of being too logical and not compassionate.

But for all that, at the very least I was kind to you. Even in the darkest moments, lying on my emotional basement floor, I still smiled and took your hand when you apologized and promised it would never happen again. And then I did it again and again and again. You crushed my heart, destroyed my self-esteem and isolated me in my pain. As hard as I try to be mad at you, I can't do it. As is, seemingly, my lot in life, I have forgiven you with all my soul. I sincerely hope that I, at the very least, taught you a lesson so that I am the only woman who need suffer.

I have learned some lessons. I will never pay another man's bills. I will never let a man put me down. I will never settle for less than everything I want. I will never settle for a man who can't tell me his ambitions and work hard to achieve them. I will never let a man put down my ambitions. I will never allow a man to dictate my life. I will never let a man tell me whom I can and cannot be friends with. I will never allow a man to laugh at my hobbies and interests. I will never allow a man to make me support our family, if I can work two jobs so can he. I will avoid men who have no friends. I will avoid men who have no interests. I will run in the opposite direction of any man who tells me I'm too smart, too logical or too nerdy or geeky.

I will be happy no matter what happens with the rest of my life because I finally know that I have the will, the power and the desire to go after all that I want and need.