Shame; An Open Letter

Shame on you. Shame on you all.

Shame on you for making your blood feel guilty. Shame on you for making a 23 year old feel bad for her HONESTY.

Shame on you for making me feel like I can trust you.

Shame on you for punishing me for having an opinion.

Shame on you for taking this out on someone else, your concern should’ve been with me. I wrote those words. No one else. I WROTE THOSE WORDS.

If you have a problem, bring it up to me. Not those individuals mentioned in my writing.

You were supposed to teach me how to be an adult and yet I don’t see you as examples. My writing is my gift and you’ve scared me into hiding it. Like all my other gifts, I hide them because I don't want to give you the pleasure of making me feel like they're not good.

I’m supposed to look to you for spiritual guidance but how am I to do that when I am unable to see your Christ-like behaviours.

I’m sorry if you don’t like my opinions. But my opinion is mine alone. You can’t force me to agree with you or to deny my feelings.

I have never belonged here. I have never quite fit in. This just pushes me further into my isolation.

Fool me into trusting you once, shame on you. Fool me into trusting you ever again and shame, shame on me.

For Nile

I want to dedicate the following song to Nile.

I Wanna Be The One by fun.

Were you named for the river that surrounds
all my biggest mistakes?
Or the way that I made it out?

All the muscles in my mouth
never smiled or said profound things
until the day she handed you to me.

For all the steps you'll take
and all you'll overcome
I wanna be the one to put it in a song.
Take every single tear
for all the world to hear.
I wanna be the one to put it in a song.

Cigarettes are raining hard
on the upper east side.
She brings me a cake,
we celebrate
I have arrived.
And I know that it's been sang before,
but you're my human holiday.
I put my hands to the table and dary say...
"the love of my life?"

And your brother with his best friend
share the name of an inebriate
that couldn't bring me down!

For everything you've lost
and all you've overcome
I wanna be the one to put it in a song.
Take every single tear
for all the world to hear
I wanna be the one to put it in a song

and make it last forever.
Clever comes from truth.
When truth begets the past
it sends a call up to the moon
and the moon can see the beauty that
surrounds
Your heart as it pounds.
It starts the beat
Inspiring me
Until I make a sound.